Just 33 sleeps remain till the world’s top pop diva makes her arrival, and I can already hear some readers moaning because they are so tired of the space that a single artist and her tour take up.

How in the world is the Eras Tour still going? Someone might protest to a colleague that it has been years

Yes, it does seem that way when you think about the fact that Eras’s debut concert took place in Glendale, Arizona in March 2023, and headlines at the time described a three and a half hour presentation that may have been her greatest to date.

By the time the Eras tour concludes, Taylor Swift will have traveled to five continents and performed 151 gigs. The tour is the first to have made $1 billion in revenue thus far, and it has the potential to make another billion by 2024. On TikTok, the concert has received 380 million views every day on average because of the countless well-organized loops that have been produced so far for the tour.

Every one of them has been avoided by me.

For Australian Swifties, the Eras tour is only getting started in 2024. Early in February, the shows resume in Tokyo before traveling to Melbourne and Sydney.

For me, the last ten months have been a thrilling and agonizing struggle with self-control. In retrospect, my ignorance didn’t foresee how dominant Swift’s relationship with NFL player Travis Kelce, her prominence as Time’s person of the year, and her sexuality would become for the media. And I’ve been steering clear of as many stories and videos on her as I can, even though everyone else has had enough of her. Not a simple task.

You see, last year I made the conscious decision not to read the 44-song set list and to deprive myself of any social media viewing because I was afraid I would ruin what was perhaps the greatest live performance of my generation.

It’s been difficult lately.

The true test of self-control began the week following that horrible week in June 2022 when tickets went on sale.

Never witnessed Taylor Swift perform live? Purchasing tickets was one of the most stressful experiences of my life because, for the most part, Eras was the only time to do it. Not only was I up against other super fans, but I was up against nearly everyone, including their mother, aunt, uncle, and friend of a friend who had only learned about All Too Well from Sadie Sink.

I had triumphantly logged off of TikTok by then. Put algorithms to rest and welcome productivity. However, on Instagram, which I believed to be a safer app, disobedience clips with glittery bodysuits, quick stage dives, and nasty summer intros began to appear.

Then the panic really started to set in: how was I going to go months without seeing anything that had to do with the Eras tour?

The loudness on my iPhone. While I may not have control over the visuals, I do have control over the volume, which is currently nearly always off when I’m on Instagram out of concern for spoiling the set list and surprise songs. Oh, how I long to return to the time when I had no idea that kind of thing existed. Unfortunately, sharing too many beverages with a friend will divulge Era’s secrets.

I should note up front that my pals have accepted my over ten-year fascination with Swift, although in a lighthearted way. They understand my point of view, sort of.

They’ve heard me recount how, at the age of sixteen, I sobbed next to Andrea Swift, the singer’s mother, at her Sydney Red concert in 2013. My buddy and I were chosen from the audience to be The Lucky Ones and gain access to the VIP area. As she passed, Taylor, sporting a red and white sequined costume with transitioning straight blond hair, gave me a high five for my boldly devoted curls and 22-inspired T-shirt.

Friends understand why, given that the aforementioned occasion was one of the most startlingly unexpected times of my brief existence, I would want to try to recreate a small amount of surprise at her presentation.

Then, though, I started getting texts from people asking to go to the Eras movie with me. They were ecstatic that I had won the Swift lottery and obtained tickets, but they also wanted me to spoil the entire concert by seeing it in advance at the theaters? I graciously denied to several sources after discovering I had stumbled into an unanticipated danger area. I had progressed this far.

My coworker was startled to learn about my set list aim. She had to know the whole musical itinerary, please, so she could carefully schedule a bathroom break and not miss anything important. A wave of nostalgia filled my bladder, reminding me of the times I was too scared to leave the Dua Lipa concert mosh pit. I hadn’t considered the dreaded bathroom break—would I be able to endure it?

With just six weeks remaining, as of this writing, I still do not have access to the complete, organized set list. I am proud of how far I’ve gone, even though I know more than I had imagined.

Because I have attended all of Swift’s concerts since I was 13 without knowing what she would say, which song, or when.

I don’t want to take a chance of not experiencing it.